EPA Announces Plan for Habitat Protection in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge

A "Caribou Rehabilitation Zone" is Planned in Oil-Rich Area

ExxonMobil to Create Nonprofit "Caribou Foundation" to Aid in Area's Rehabilitation

The EPA is partnering with the Department of Energy and ExxonMobil to save the caribou in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) in Alaska. The announcement was made at a press conference today, attended by EPA Administrator Stephen L. Johnson, and ExxonMobil CEO Rex W. Tillerson.

"We're especially pleased to have ExxonMobil, a for-profit company, onboard for this project," enthused Johnson. "They've agreed to invest millions in this caribou-saving project. Their generosity is just amazing."

"We at ExxonMobil are just trying to do what's right," Tillerson averred. "We're investing in our nation's future, and the children, and, um, nature. We hope that within twenty years we'll be producing millions of gallons of...er..caribou."

The focal point of the project will be several large metal structures dubbed "Caribou Social Areas" (see diagram above). These are designed to provide caribou with a safe and inviting environment. Special features include a large drill that creates low-level vibrations in the ground that caribou apparently find pleasing, as well as several thousand miles of pipelines that serve as a meeting ground and "coffee klatch" for the lucky animals.

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